Day 59, Annual Saturn Retrograde 2013, 17th April, Wednesday. In this post I’m going to explore the my madness narrated in the previous post. And why madness, catastrophe is essential in the schedule/ journey of annual Saturn retrograde.
As narrated earlier, completely high on Lionel Richie’s unexpected live performance at wife’s client Tara’s wedding, I later went home completely conked/ sloshed, and finding the terrace door locked, attempted to slide down steel net grill from the 3rd floor to our terrace. Fell headlong into the atrium pit, and as a result, scraped my abdomen, mauled my fingers, scarred my body. The catastrophic results of unexpected and too sudden heavens!
Last three days, I have borne the pain of my wounds, but have also understood that, some Scar tissues are NECCESARY/ MANDATORY in this serpentine journey of annual Saturn Retrograde. As I had once read in a Zen book, “You cannot hope to meditate, aspire to Zen-ness/ One-ness without encountering some madness/ folly and demons on the way”. Hence such foolhardy/ reckless behavior is also part of the Saturn retro experience. For Saturn ruled people, Saturn Retrograde is an IDEAL TIME to RESURRECT our LATENT DEMONS/ GHOSTS and to decode/ reinterpret and finally rewrite them. Into our machinic/ genetic/ karmic code!! In fact, sifting thru my journals of Retro 2011, I found that such a similar foolhardy, reckless, catastrophe had occurred in the peak of Saturn Retro 2011. A year when I was, for a change, behaving in the perfect Saturnine code. No will to power, road to glory, high road to evolution. Rather, a path of self surrender to wisdom. And sometimes even to VOLUNTARY madness,. And sometimes, when necessary and asked for, a Voluntary self surrender to madness/ demons!! The mistake/ Error is PART of the Design!! The ONLY path available to the Saturnine pilgrim/monk/ sadhak. Trying to PURGE his former EXCESSES, former Demons, former Karma. During the highly purgative/ redemptive period of annual Saturn retrograde. Cheers to the writings of Jean Baudrillard!!!
As I heal from the wounds, and this constant, persistent dehydration of Delhi summer, I would like to resurrect another of my Latent potencies, irritating habits of Repetition/ Infinite Retrospection. And quote some fragments/excerpts from former journals of Saturn Retro years. These excerpts below are from my Saturn Retro 2007- 2008 journal, approximately around this same time period 59th -60th day of Retro, 2008. I quote:
- 19th Feb, Tuesday, 2009.. “One particular attribute of working with Saturn retro since 2005 till now, IS the discovery of meaning in layers. SLOWLY, meaning, underlying meaning is attained, in (subsequent) LAYERS of depth./// Another fact that came to my mind that Saturn Retrograde doesn’t in itself HAVE/contain any events/ content/ circumstances. It’s rather, more of an OPERATING Factor. One that CONTROLS Motion/ flow/ Directions of already existent planetary/ (Karmic) factors of our Kundli/ astrological schema of things…”.
- “Once, in 32 Lamb Road, (in my 10+2 days), as I washed my clothes at the tap, in the washing slab adjoining Mitali ba’s balcony, my father (The Sun) had another of his talks with me. About studies, academia, etc. He described a Circle as the PRIMARY being itself. And everyone else, everything else, (events, environmental factors, circumstances), opinions, etc, as being the (Secondary/ Tertiary) Periphery/ edge. He pointed out that, if at my Centre, I was OK, everything else need not matter. (The perfect sun- Saturn ideological opposition): Centrality of Being/ I/ Myself, as opposed to the Periphery of Perceptions/ Opinions/ Environmental factors. However, 20 years later, rethinking rigorously, I realize that, the problems with me, ALL problems with me, Lied in the (Solar) Centre itself. It’s ALL the marginal, periphery, secondary, recessive, subservient, SECONDARY/Tertiary (Saturnine) factors, which were of primary (Importance)/ consideration to ME!! (19th Feb, Tuesday, 2009)
- The HEGEMONIAL hold of the Sun over Saturn in my Kundli, is the issue, content of everything in my life. The main definitive factor of my Life!! (19th Feb, Tuesday, 2009)
- One definition of Deconstruction constitutes: Reversal or re-working of binary oppositions, wherein the hegemonial hold, priority, superiority, biasedness of the One pole over the Other was nullified. To overcome the strangulating hold of structuralism/ Centrism/ Logocentric thought. (19th Feb, Tuesday, 2009)
- (20th Feb, Wednesday, 2009): “At Bikano Café, Max Hospital, Saket, (wing B), New Bldg. The days of loitering around Max, in it’s cafes, restaurants, lounges, lobby, waiting for Sangeeta, are coming to an end. Sango’s got one week, or 9 days more in Max”. Ironic, that now it’s the same energies/ flows from the Max group, creating my previous retrograde event, and Sangeeta’s current project involvement. Retrograde Saturn is the force that creates such distinct spirals of cyclic repetition/
- SUN: CENTRE, body, content, Concept, Sol, Soul, ID, ONE
SATURN: Periphery, Limits, Definition, Operation, Process … (19th Feb, Tuesday, 2009)
As I sift through my journals of Saturn Retro 2008, 2009, I find that in both years, after 8 weeks of Solar behaviour, from the 9th week onwards, say approximately 60th- 63rd day, there is distinct Transition from a Practical, objective, rational linear/ Solar state of mind into a state of cyclic awareness, philosophy, contemplation. Suddenly as the solar batteries begin to fade, contemplation/ conscience begins in the self proclaimed Holy warrior. The adrenalin rush has died down, his craving thirst for battle/ conquest/ territory, suddenly dies down, and he finds himself a saint, a philosopher, amidst his battle armaments. I wonder how many Saturnine, Saturn ruled people have gone through this phase of realization in former historical Saturn Retrograde periods. Did Napoleon, a highly Saturn ruled dude, feel like what I did in 2009/ 2009. Suddenly in the midst of a great military campaign, feel his passion die down, in the muck and mud of Waterloo, in the heart of Saturn Retrograde!! Did Aguiree, feel the same, as he watched his army dissipate into the malaria, and mayhem of wild Amazon, (Werner Herzog’s epic film, Aguiree, The Wrath Of God). Or like in Mel Gibsons epic film, Apocalypto, where the Sun worshipping Mayans, after a long bloodthirsty pursuit of their escaped sacrificial victim Jaguar Paws, finally feel at the sight of the approaching Spanish Armada. The ways of Lord Shanidev, are serpentine, narrow, harsh, and thorny, but as they say in one passage of the Bible.. “WIDE, sweet and bright is the gate that leads to destruction. NARROW, Dark, Thorny, is the gate that leads to Salvation”. Or something like that! J!
In the end, I would like to post a picture frame that I found hanging in Turtle café, GK I, N Block Market, while buying some wrapping paper for the marriage described in the earlier post. I think it makes a lot of sense. In this point of time. Jai Shanidev!