Monday, June 24, 2013

Saturn Retro 2013: 72- Paris Reversed 05

24th June, Monday, 2013. More or less, it has become the conclusion of this long Annual Saturn Retrograde 2013, even though Saturn will turn directional only in 1st week of July. The effects of Saturn Retrograde, commence 15 days before the actual Retrograde begins/ ends. This will be my 72nd and concluding post on Annual Saturn Retrograde 2013.

As i was describing in the previous 4 posts, this years final week of Ultra Retro 2013, i.e, Monday 17th Jun- 23rd Jun Sunday was exact inverse of the final week of Ultra Retro 2009, Monday, 27th April- Sunday, 2nd May, the EXACT period of my Paris Trip, 2009. On Saturday evening, 22nd Jun, 2013, I had to suddenly leave FOR Shillong to attend to a half completed Vastu assignment.

On 2nd May, 2009, evening, we left FROM Paris. The entire Sunday, of 3rd May, 2009, was a day of coming down, into the Void/ Furnace/ Gravitas of Delhi. Whereas, exactly Sunday, 23rd Jun, 2013, represented an ESCAPE/ ANTI GRAVITY from the Furnace of Guwahati Heat Wave, into the Haven of Un-planned Shillong. The client took me to the Cathedral in the evening, and to Shillong Cafe where a live band was playing. I actually felt like being in Europe. DAY FOR EXACT REVERSAL of the almost Penultimate Day of Saturn Retrograde 2009 and 2013.

Monday, 4th May, 2009 represented such an dark Gravitas/ Return to Ground zero and descending. There is such an acute entry in my journal of 2009 about the return to the Summer horror/ Void of then New Delhi's hottest summer. Especially from the sudden contrast of a magical, sudden week in Paris. Whereas TODAY, Monday, 24th Jun, 2013 wherein I had to extend my trip in Shillong, a sudden Haven, because of the availability of workmen pertaining to the site!!

BASICALLY, Saturn Retrograde works!! Especially, in my case. I dont know WHAT the coming days bring BUT  want to officially conclude this long Series on Saturn Retro 2013. Henceforth, I may later update under Post heading ""Harvests 2103, that is, any result arising from the sacrifices/ redemptions partaken during Annual Saturn Retro, 2013. Jai Shanidev!! Whew!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Saturn Retro 2013: 71- Paris Reversed 04

22nd June, Saturday, 2:02 am. What a late night for blogging update. But then, this is when i found access to time/ net/ space. in previous 4 posts i wrote how this year, 2013's Saturn Retrograde's final 'Ultra Retro' has become inverse of Paris Trip, 2009. Some of the gentle readers have already complained about me repeating myself. But thats what EXACTLY a Saturn ruled person does, during Saturn Retrograde, especially its final/ concluding Ultra Retro phase.

As opposed to Wednesday, 29th April, 2009, when I had spent the entire day in magnifique Louvre museum, mine 19th Jun, Wednesday, 2013, INVERSELY, I spent in our office space, painting our bathroom with live action colours, splattering colour all over me.

Ultra Retro 2009, this day was spent Consuming/ absorbing/ observing most famous, historical, Globally recognised, acclaimed, art of the Louvre museum. And INVERSELY, this Ultra Retro 2013, was spent in creating personal OUTput of personal, narrow, artistic expression, albeit, in a obscure corner of our office bathroom.

Later, afternoon, spent day in Brahmaputra resort with Santu and Lovita, who had taken me out for lunch. It was the SAME place, we had all visited after our wedding ceremony in Nov 2005. During Saturn Retro 2005. Suddenly, i WAS transported back in time. Had never revisited it during all Guwahati trips, since then. But only NOW, during ultra retro 2013.

Thursday, 30th April, 2009, I spent in roaming Paris, in it's wild romantic beauty. Though, no journal entries remain. i seem to have been Completely Bedazzled by the beauty of Paris. Too stunned, and starstruck, even to have made some basic journal entries!! (For one, who has always kept such extensive records of an ordinary day). Thursday, 20th June, 2013, was spent selecting and hauling tiles in hot, humid, tropical noon from a dark warehouse for the completion of our office's extension room for my sisters office space. After a long and leisurely sojourn at hometown, it was a day of acute physical labour, heat, dehydration, etc. Evening, i went far for a task to khura's place, but later which proved fallow/ barren. Late evening, i just dissipated mine energies, after failed and laborious endeavors of the day. Later cousin Ahir and i visited a sick friend Aren, who was down with typhoid. Her usual bustling place of countless people, felt like Rue de Morgue, with its pallid gloom, sickness in the air. Perfect contradictory atmosphere of Saturn Retrograde. The silence was deafening. None of her usual party friends were around. Only us, two random friends, sitting in equivalent gloomy silence.

On 1st May, 2009, being May Day in Paris, the streets were crowded with unimaginable processions, events, performances, rallies, demonstrations, picnics, and unimaginable scene. I shot a long montage shot of a group of female drummers in yellow-jackets in a unimaginable traveling rhythm. it was the most unimaginable LIVE high of my life, until then. A shot that I have edited and re-edited a thousand times after that. INVERSELY, Today, Friday, 21st June, 2013, was spent in extreme bustle of jumpstarting my sisters media extension, in our fathers office. Getting priest, pooja, foodstuff, this and that. Later, i had accidentally taken the house keys with me, severely locking out all from home, and getting severely rebuked for the same.

But today, after an entire day of sourness, letdowns, late evening, suddenly inexplicably met up with two old friends and was in an uncharacteristic elated mood.  INVERSELY, by evening of 1st May, 2009, must have felt despondent, and gloomy in Paris. As the magic of Mayday in Paris, was HIGH, but only one more day remained in Paris, the next day, Saturday!!

It's NECCESARY for me to write about Ultra Retro/ Saturn Retro days in such detail, because Saturn Retrograde, demands it. Such detailed archival comparisons. When saturn Retro, finally ends, I can (hopefully) get back to motion/ movement. Normalcy.

 Such complicated, obssessive, comparisons are natural and necessary  during Saturn Retrograde. Especially, during Ultra Retro.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Saturn Retro 2013: 70- Paris Reversed 03

18th June, Tuesday, as I described in the previous three  posts, this years Saturn Retro 2013’s final week (17th Jun, Monday- 23rd Jun, Sunday) is/ has/ become/ becoming  a SYMMETRICAL  INVERSE/ REVERSE of my Paris Trip of Saturn Retro 2009, (27th April, Monday- 3rd May, Sunday).  A kind of mandatory, (in) voluntary, REVERSAL to counteract years of previous  transgressions during Saturn Retro. AND, a REVERSAL, which is also helping unravel  two different orders/ entities of contemporary thought, namely the fantasmatic Object/ Desire of Paris Trip 2009, and the VOID/ Black hole of Hometown Guwahati trip of 2013. Saturn Retrograde is where it’s all happening. Vedic Scholars were tripping on OUR so called cutting edge, contemporary, cutting edge TIME LOOP.. long back in the ancient times!!

Reversals between:  Monday, 27th April, 2009- Monday , 17th Jun, 2013
Monday, 27th April, 2009, early morning we set out of home for Paris. Entire noon time was spent in international airport, Immigration form, process. By noon, our flight had taken off. Meanwhile, just before taking off, Sangeeta, bought a packet of Assam Tea from International airport, for her colleagues in Paris. This act was a Virtual of the Virtual of the Virtual. Being from Assam, buying Tea not from Assam, nor Delhi local market, BUT the outgoing counter of the International airport!! In contrast, Monday 17th June, was a complete INVERSE/ REVERSE. Woke late from friend Adil’s office, had to come home in searing heat, because of the construction work, going on at home and office simultaneously. Later  walked in searing heat of Guwhati’s heat spell, noon, went with painters to buy additional paints for Vastu correction of our kitchen and eastern area, a LONG PENDING task, since yesteryears!  

Whereas, in Monday, Retro 2009, I was suspended in Unfolding Anti Gravity, Virtual Reality, and strangely felt ONE amidst unknown strangers in a strange land. Conversely, on Monday Retro 2013, I was in the heart of Gravitas, the mud PIT deep inside home ground. There was no electricity, water, lift, etc, at home. The sweltering heat, the heart of the Pan- asian dystopia! Later, had gone with Lueit to our fellow hostelite/ architect Parthajeet Sharma’s book launch, “Smart Phones, Dumb People”. Where I was remarked upon by some acquaintances, Senitinels of Assamese Culture” on my shabby hair, clothes, un-smart appearance. Which pierced my ego/ heart, because I’m NOT the casual attitude, that I recklessly portray. Despite my current Saturn Retro bearded, scrawny, and shabby look. But good timing, being Saturn Ultra Retro, especially Paris reverse

In  afternoon of Monday 27th April, 09, a stranger, visitor from south Africa helped me out regarding some queries regarding Paris. Whereas, now here in  2013, got insult, tenga, from forever known faces. DIRECT Symmetrical Inverse!!

In Ultra Retro 2009, during this exact time, Monday evening, had entered  Paris, in rainy, divine weather, a magical suspended journey from airport to Champs De Elysees. The Anti Gravity, magic, mystery in the air was too much. Cool Europe, Parisian magic, at its sublime best. During Later, evening, I went with Bitu to khuras place for some astro corrections. Soaking in sweat, in the sweltering heat, we had rum like fools. And, were almost collapsing in the “gela Gorom”.  Later, Bitu and I came down to Hridoys place. In the sweltering heat, we drank and talked of metaphysics. I poured water over myself, didn’t dry, wear clothes, just to stay alive. The Gravitas, in the air was too much. Tropical Asia, at its humid worst.
Further, later into the night I went to my young friend Mon’s place at Usha Court, Zoo Tiniali. His apartment/ building carries a distinct residue of the political turbulence of early Assam. Ask any resident, they can testify about the dark phase, upheaval, political turbulence of Assam, and this building’s centre stage in it.  Every time, I come here and stay overnight, I get swallowed by dreams and stories of past political backwaters. Far backwaters, stories of unimaginable darkness, chaos, mayhem, violence, rupture. And the residual energy of this building, which had many ceremonies performed here to purify it’s quarters, still carries a tangential residue of an unique nature. It’s yellow, gloomy, gothic,  and carries a strange spidery feeling.  

A perfect inverse of the interiors of Hotel California, in Champs’ De Elysses, in front of the Arch De Triumph, at the HEART of Paris, where we stayed in, in our Paris Trip, Ultra Retro, 2009. Comparing Monday 27th April, ’09, our first night in Hotel California, (the strangest of names ever), I felt odd, out of place, jittery by the European texture of things. But conversely, Monday, 17th Jun, ’13, I felt STRANGELY welcome into familiar Gravitas, residual Heaviness,  of Mons place at Usha court. Slipping into a familiar, dark, swamp, a yellow, gothic, pool, it had meaning, infamous roots in dark terror. BUT yet, purged, comforting, darkness incarnate. Saturnine. The perfect abode for RE-ENTRY during  Ultra Retro!

On Monday, 27th April ’2009, I was staying in the heart of  the Fantasmatic Object/ Simulation, staying in a “Hotel California” in Champs De Elysses, Paris. However, yesterday Monday, hometown Retro ’13, Conversely, I was stationed in the Void/ gravitas of Usha Court. In 2009, the fantsmatic object, too bright to bear, too much to unwind. And in 2013, despite it’s universally recognized terror, the Void was welcoming, soothing, helping one unwind from the blazing inferno of the Solar inferno, outside. A brief, DARK, shady, and COMFORING haunt!!

Tuesday, 28th April, 2009- Tuesday , 18th Jun, 2013
Tuesday, 28th April, 2009, was the first morning, when I set out in Paris, alone, after Sangeeta had left for her official work. For a person, who hardly does any travelling alone, nor exploration, adventure, it was a remarkable, lifetime event. Exploring Paris, all on my own, without knowing the language, a brand new unimaginable adventure. An unimaginable, MAGICAL Voyage. Suspended in Unimaginable ANTI GRAVITY.  In contrast, Tuesday 18th June, 2013, was a complete INVERSE/ REVERSE. Woke late at Mon’s place, late, outside the world with its busy traffic, chaotic roads, rolled by, I felt like The One Who Got Off The Ride!! Left behind by the world, long behind, far backwaters! Woke up to the ever familiar NIGHTMARISH Void, of HaNGOVER,  of the Horror of the Real. Had to come home in searing heat, because of the construction work, going on at home and office simultaneously. House was in a grand mess, wall cut, AC pipes, repair, renovation in full bloom. The nightmare of Reality. Dust, chaos, exposed veines/ arteries of the house. Mother narrating NIGHTMARISH stories of water, electricity, domestic problems. Nightmaruish realities. Suddenly , I was DEEP into the dark, humid , intestines, the suffocating BELLY of the BEAST!! 

 Tuesday, 28th April, 2009, the whole day, I roamed around, until my feet pained, in the magical city of Paris. Exploring, discovering. Conversely, Tuesday 18th June, 2013, was a complete INVERSE/ REVERSE, dealing with domestic problems, broken pipes, leakages, dust, viscera of Home, which I normally deal with, always roaming about, in Hometown Guwahati. Later, after sisters room AC got installed, collapsed, lazed for endless hours, uncharacteristically AT HOME, WHOLE DAY in Inexplicable REST/ INERTIA, but explainable only by it’s Symmetric Inverse:  

 Tuesday, 28th April, 2009, a day where I was in unwarranted movement, motion, exploring the Virgin territory of Paris. Getting over my fears, getting to know Paris, in its sublime magic. FRESH, NEW, SUBLIME, MAGIC in contrast to Tuesday 18th June, OLD HORRORS RESURRECTED. NOW, as I write out this final para, completeing it’s final instalment in Lueits office, and after a spell of HOT/ COLD contrasts, (AC/ outside, again and again) am having a hideous cold, in this  Hot weather.

I can definitely testify regarding my emotional state during Evening in Paris, Tuesday, 28th April, 2009, that after a spell of Diverse contrasts, I must have finally dissolved it into a understanding/ Integrity/ universal Fundament/ an Organic whole about the City I had been formerly, so apprehensive about. Conversely, Tuesday 18th June, 2013, was a complete NIGHTMARE, in my ever familiar hometown, a day of diverse contrasts, which find me, in Hot/ Cold nightmarish unease. Neurasentic irritation. 

 Evening in Paris, Tuesday, 28th April, 2009, found me in  SATISFACTION at having dealt well with a Brand New World, so well. Whereas, evening, Tuesday 18th June, 2013, in hometown finds me so ruffled, askew, jittery, loose, COME Undone at the seams, at having handled OLD HORRORS RESURRECTED, so badly.  

“Tomorrow”, Wednesday, 29th April, 2009, was the Day, when I went and visited and stayed the whole day at the Louvre Museum. I wonder what, TOMORROW, Wednesday, 19th June, 2013, in it’s DEMONIC INVERSE, will serve on my plate! I rightfully Shudder!! Signing off, for now.. !

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Saturn Retro 2013, 69- Paris Reversed

15th Jun, Saturday,  2013. Today’s  the 15th day, of the three week Ultra Retro phase. The concluding phase of Annual Saturn Retro, 2013. In the previous post I wrote in detail, about how this year’s Ultra Retro phase has become a reversal of Ultra Retro 2009. A year when I went to Paris, along with my wife on her official tour, despite the death of my then astro guru T.N. Sarma. An unimaginable digression for a Saturnine creature. During the very first day of Ultra Retro 2009, 13th April, the news of death of my then astro guru T.N Sarma, came from hometown Guwahati. He was a major foundation/ cornerstone in ALL our decisions. Suddenly the ground beneath my feet vanished. Despite the utter shock, fallout, two weeks later, I still went along with my wife to Paris on her official tour. The most fantastic UN-Real trip ever! Especially, during the peak  Retro energies of Ultra Retro 2009. It was the my fourth consecutive year of involuntary violation of Annual Saturn Retrograde.  And the Paris Trip, 2009, completely sealed the Karmic programme. And hence, from 2009 itself, there has been a huge incidence of Karmic repayment, atonement.

PARIS REVERSED: contrasts between Retro 2009 and Retro 2013
I wrote in the last post, how in this Ultra Retro 2013 ( 1st- 21st Jun), lingering on, and overstaying in Guwahati hometown because of various obligations, postponing the return trip to Delhi has brought me a lot of criticism/ flak

Whereas, in Ultra Retro 2009, diametrically/ INVERSELY, the Paris trip was all about an universally recognised/ approved/ endorsed/ movement. There was a tremendous universal glamour associated with the Paris trip. It was perceived by ALL as a tremendous NEW PROGRESSION.
  But this Ultra Retro 2013, my delayed return to Delhi, hanging around in my hometown is being acutely  unrecognised/ disapproved/ misunderstood action. It has been perceived by ALL as a tremendous stagnation, backward REGRESSION.

 The Paris Trip of  Ultra Retro 2009, can be termed as involuntary/ passive/ PROGRESSION/ BREAK-through. And, this years Ultra Retro 2013, my current, overdelayed stay in hometown Guwahati trip can be termed as involuntary/ passive/ REGRESSION/ BREAK-down!! 

In the days following up to the Paris Trip, I was in great apprehension, a tremendous build up, supported and endorsed by all. LOGICALLY, rationally, why was I being apprehensive? It was a GREAT adventure ahead!! Conversely, in these days following up to my return trip to Delhi, I am in great apprehension, a tremendous breakdown, criticised and negated by all. LOGICALLY, rationally, why was I being apprehensive? I was ONLY returning to my own place!   

In Ultra Retro 2009, as the days of my Paris trip approached closer, my body was involuntarily being filled with Positive/ electrical/ Buzz/ a kind of nervous torpor. A kind of Tachycardia, accelerated beating of the heart. However, CONVERSELY, this year  Ultra Retro 2013, as the days of my return to Delhi trip approaches closer, my body is involuntarily SLOWING down. As if, being DRAINED of all Adrenalin, and being filled with Sedatives/ heaviness/ drowsiness.. a kind of Primordial lethargy! A kind of Bradycardia, deccelerated beating, slow down of the heart.  

During Ultra Retro 2009, at this moment I was in involuntary ANTI-GRAVITY. And during Retro 2013, at this moment I am in involuntary GRAVITY. Literally, as Im writing this text in Lueits back office, in their GRAVITY Activity Centre!! 

 Such are the signposts/ signs, I seek from Lord Saturn, in this long winding serpentine journey of Saturn Retrograde.  

In Ultra Retro 2009, as the days approached, a grand adventure, the lottery ticket of a great and unimaginable vacation approached. And, in UR 2013, as the days approach for my return to Delhi, an unimaginable feeling of dread, unease, queasiness seems to possess myself. As if, I’m losing my centre in some unimaginable way!  

Ultra Retro was all melodrama about a Positivist/ Forward/ Rapture/ Breakthrough movement. Today,  Ultra Retro 2013, the melodrama is all about Return/ Negation/ Relapse/ Regression/ Residue. Existential questions about  Void/ foundation/ roots/ base.

In 2009, it was all about Paris, a fantasmatic OBJECT of DESIRE! And this year, 2013, is about return to Delhi, the VOID of  EXILE

Ultra Retro 2009 was about flight, rapture, Take off, voyage. And Ultra Retro 2013 has been about Gravity, rupture, landing, return to home AFTER a long Voyage. The hangover of the day after!! The crunching jaws of inescapable Destiny/ Reality, Dis- Real Truth.
 As opposed to the Roman Holiday, magical trip, Un-Real, Sublime, fleeting virtuality of the Paris Trip! 

 In UR 2009, it was about Manifestation of my latent DESIRE towards things exotic/ phoren/ abroad/ bidesh. The longing for the fascinating OTHER, coming true.  But, this year UR 2013, it ‘s ALL about Manifestation of nightmares, secret FEARS!!  The sheer  underlying FEAR of the VOID. The Desert of the Real. Nightmarish visceral Dis-Reailty. After the pastures of heaven, a nightmarish return to Reailty, a Return to Exile

 I think, the major flaw of the Paris Trip, was that it was severely premature, far before its allotted time. And outlandish magnum opus, out of time and place. Whereas, in these past few days of UR 2013, I have seen blossoming, arrival of things, Over-ripe, long delayed, postponed, in their becoming. Things arriving, FAR too LATE, severely delayed in their manifestation.

In the previous post, I wrote how I had been been intensely sharing/ discussing reading Slavoj Zizek’s “Interrogating The Real”, in great detail, with my friend Egg-head. Especially the concept of “Negation of the Negation”. Fascinating thing is, the comparison between Ultra Retro 2009/ Paris Trip and Ultra Retro 2013/ Hometown Visit perfectly YIELDS the contrast between Structuralism/ the fantastic object/ Positivism and the Void/ Negation/ Deconstruction!!   

Compulsory Initial Failure as defined by Lacan
The “great mistake” of the Paris trip, 2009, is the Compulsory Initial Failure as defined by Lacan. It was NECCESARY for my eventual understanding Saturn/ Saturn retrograde/ my version of reality!! 

In Ultra Retro 2009, IF the fantasmatic event of the Virtual/ Unreal Paris trip had NOT happened, during the contradictory phase of Saturn Retro, I could have never experienced the subsequent UNRAVELLING. About the sheer contradiction of Solar/ Logocentric/ Positivist/ Phallocentric thought. The DOWNSide of Rationalism!! Especially for the Saturnine/ Saturn ruled person!!!!  For within the the fantasmatic object/ Retrograde ITSELF is concealed, the very underlying seed of it’s OWN contradiction! The seed of the Great Great Void. For later, as Saturn turned directional, the fantasmatic object/ Ultimate desire of PARIS conveniently NEGATED itself and collapsed upon itself, becoming a Great Void. And harvesting a vast blossoming of Harsh underlying reality. Spawning Harvests  of the Dis-Real, EVER SINCE.  

This year (un) consciously, am I attempting Negation of the Negation?? Creating a forced Event,  to counteract the Primal mistake of the Paris Trip, 2009.

CONCLUSION: my role..
 I feel, that my philosophical disposition, contemplative ardour, thinking attitude is ONE that is COMPLETELY fuelled by Saturn Retrograde energies. Somehow, I WASN’T supposed to be this thinking, great metaphysical contemplator. It’s MERELY the Saturnine factor/ function in RETROGRADE, that is THE causation of all these introspections/ contemplations! That finds me naturally, sitting in the poise of Rodin’s statue “the Thinker”. Because, after four years (2010-13) of counteracting the digressions of  Saturn Retro, years 2006- 09, I have purged myself of the usual unpleasantries of redemption. And have carried this Retrograde exercise into the domains of movement which divulges the philosophical opposition between Logocentric/ Positivism- versus Negation/ Deconstruction. The introspective/ inward mood, motion, I’m currently in, is directly in Contrast with the mood, motion, disposition during Ultra Retro 2009. Wherein, I was in the grasp of a Great and Fantasmatic object of the Paris Trip! Whereas this Ultra Retro 2013, has been about  INERTIA and regression. A RETROACTIVE movement. What Zizek calls Negation of the Negation. The INVERSE of Objective/ Positivist/ Rationalist thought! ESPECIALLY for those Saturn ruled, THIS IS the time to lay backwards and contemplate. Brood endlessly upon subjective complexities. Engage/ address all internal Conflicts/ Contradictions. Dwell in the serpentine backwaters of.. Negation of Negation!

Friday, June 14, 2013

Saturn Retro 2013, 68- Negation of Negation

14th Jun, Friday,  2013. Today’s  the 14th day, of the three week Ultra Retro phase. The third and final phase of Annual Saturn Retro, 2013.  Another one week remaining. For this most dreaded, acute, intense three week phase of Ultra Retro to end. And thus finally conclude, the Annual Saturn Retrograde, 2013.

For me, this year’s three week period of Ultra Retro 2013 has become a reversal/ Karmic recompense of Ultra Retro 2009. A year when I went to Paris, along with my wife on her official tour, despite the death of my then astro guru T.N. Sarma. An unimaginable digression for a Saturnine creature, Saturn ruled person like myself. 

In fact, it was (un)knowingly my fourth year in sequence of such major digressions, violations during the annual Saturn Retrograde phase. This history of transgressions/ violations of mine during Saturn Retrograde began from 2005-6 itself..

In Saturn Retro 2005-6, I married ( such a major and quantum change in life) and shifted base from Guwahati to Delhi

In Saturn Retro 2006-07, I completely hurled myself headlong into an interior project for a travel agency at the heart of Connaught Place, a prime New Delhi location. The project was an unbelievable disaster, and so was the fate of the short lived span of the travel agency. 

In Saturn Retro 2008, I teamed up on multiple levels with a sizeable group of friends, architects for a mega/ grand  villa project connected to Medicity, which never materialised.  In my recent years, as I regularly visit Medicity for my father-in- laws treatment, I look back at the fictious bogus virtuality of the imagined project of Retro 2008. 

In Saturn Retro 2009, the fourth consecutive year of violation of Saturn Retro, I pushed things to limit. After a long, successful campaign to re-register my missing certificates, from the university of Mumbai, I was in a long architectural training programme, under my friend in Mumbai. 
On 13th April, the very first morning of  the three week period of Ultra Retro 2009, the news of death of my then astro guru T.N. Sarma reached us. Despite the shock, fallout, I still went along with my wife to Paris on her official tour. Saturn retrograde, especially the three week intense sub period of Ultra Retro, is a period for Saturnine people to say NO. But I made the classic mistake of saying YES, when I should have said NO! The sudden windfall Paris Trip was the most fantastic/ virtual/ UN-Real trip of my life. And it happened bang on the peak Retrograde energies of Ultra Retro 2009. This fourth and final consecutive year of repeated violation during Saturn retrograde, completely sealed my Karmic Recompense schedule for my next four years. And hence, from 2009 itself, there has been a huge incidence of Karmic repayment, atonement, for me. Especially during the period of Annual Saturn Retrograde For the gross indiscretion of the previous Saturn Retro years (2006- 2009).  

Last few days, have been intensely sharing/ discussing reading Slavoj Zizek’s “Interrogating The Real”, in great detail, with my friend Mriganka Madhukaillya. It is one of Zizerk’s epically loaded book with with valuable insights. In it, in the concept of “Negation of the Negation”, Zizek says: “ Each fantasmatic Object conceals the Gaping Void within itself , which is also SUSTAINED by it.. 

In Saturn Retro 2009, during Ultra Retro when the fantasmatic/  /Virtual/ Unreal Paris trip happened, it concealed within itself, the underlying seed/ promise/ guarantee of the Great Void to be unfolded later. Later, as Saturn turned directional, the object/ desire of the Paris Trip Reversed/ NEGATED itself and turned into the Great Void. A harsh desert of ghoulish underlying reality, what Roland Barthes calls the "Dis-Real", ever since. This year (un) consciously, like a sci-fi character in a Time Loop, I am attempting to reverse the violations of previous years of Saturn retrograde, by the method of Negation of the Negation!!!

By creating a forced Event of a looming great Void!! A simulated  phase of Acute Lacking, to counteract the Primal mistake of the Paris Trip, 2009. Creating a demonic apparition, in order to purge/ negate/ REVERSE a former fantastic catastrophe!!

In another instance, Zizek also discusses a very famous historical European figure, who was an authentic, Public, Mystic in daytime. And a hardcore, shrewd, political activist in nighttime. Zizek says: “Being a public, authentic mystic, and highly political in your private experience. No guarantee, what the political effects of your subjective experience will be..”. This time, in Ultra Retro, I’m exactly experiencing the phenomenon of this very dark flipside. The subjective experience of my being a Public Astro/ Vaastu consultant by “daytime”.  And the flipside of The NIGHTmarish private, political, subjective, residue. EXACTLY, what I’m experiencing during this Ultra Retro, 2013. The complex, hideous, subjective, serpentine, conflict/ melodrama within. A perfect ANTI-thesis  of the Grand Epical event of Paris Trip, Ultra Retro 2009!

This Ultra Retro 2013, finds me STILL lingering about in hometown Guwahati. Subjectively experiencing private, complex, conflicts of the deepest backwaters During Saturn Retro 2005-6, I had married, and set forth to Delhi, as a medicine to the irresolution/ stagnation experienced in hometown Guwahati. Trying to  “transcended” the gravity of Guwahati, the Freudian act to “solve” the perpetual problem. However, the “medicine/ solution” of Delhi was a higher disease in disguise. The act of moving base during the inappropriate time, of Saturn Retro 2009 has found me existing in a  pathological/ crippling homesickness ever since. Ideologically  trapped ever since, betwixt two worlds, and realities. This year, finds me submitting to the natural inertia/ conflict/ scizophernia latent in my hometown Guwahati. Maybe this RETURN/ RGRESSION to former rresolution/ conflict is the true healing process? The perfect Lacanian medicine of Saturn Retrograde. What  Zizek calls.. “Negation of the Negation”.
Like, most others, I too have the desire towards all things phoren/ abroad/ bidesh the OTHER.  Which is a healthy, progressive, drive, essentially, BUT provided, this fascination/ longing for the other shore/ greener pastures has appropriate approach/ timing. Otherwise, such an attempt/ endeavour can severely backfire and make one reach the farthest backwaters of the very swamps, one had been trying to transcend. During Retro 2009, when I was unwillingly prepared for my Paris trip, a grand adventure, the lottery ticket of an unimaginable vacation, the melodrama was all about a Positivist/ Forward/ Rapture/ Breakthrough movement. Today,  Ultra Retro 2013, the melodrama is all about Return/ Negation/ Relapse/ Regression/ Residue. Existential questions about  Void/ foundation/ roots/ base. In 2009, it was about a Paris/ fantasmatic trip abroad, the Irresistible desire of the OTHER!  And this year, 2013, merely about return to my current city of residence, it’s about the VOID/ Gravity of the inescapable ONE. Destiny/ Reality/ Truth!! Whereas, in 2009,  the Paris trip was all about an universally recognised/ approved/ endorsed/ movement forward PROGRESSION. But this Ultra Retro 2013, my delayed return to Delhi, hanging around in hometown is all about unrecognised/ disapproved/ misunderstood/ stagnation, backward regression.  There was a tremendous universal glamour associated with the Paris trip of Ultra Retro ’09, but it was a fleeting, fantastic. An unreal fleeting simulacra. A fantsmatic object of DESIRE which, I’m trying to counteract with its diametric, diagonal inverse.  By the Zizekian procedure of “Negation of the Negation”. This time around, in Ultra Retro 2013.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Saturn Retro 2013, 67- Retro Regrets

5th June, Wednesday, Day 4 of three weeks of Ultra Retro, Annual Saturn Retrograde, 2013. As I explained before, these three weeks of Annual Saturn Retrograde, namely Ultra Retro (2nd – 23rd Jun) is the most acute, over amplified period of Saturn Retrograde. The sting of Retrograde’s tail!! For Saturn ruled people, this three week period is one of ACUTE regression, rewind, redemption, reviewing. And, for Sun ruled people an extreme period of progression, advancement, forward, proactive, dynamic motion. The energy of this three weeks of Ultra Retro period can be taken as 175% MORE of the usual effects and influence of Saturn Retrograde.

Today, I was at our Guwahati club adda after a long time. I was talking with old friends Ronen Deuri, Ranga, Baba etc. I was meeting Ronen after a gap of 7 years almost. In our conversations we landed up to the period just before my shifting to Delhi after marriage. Comparing notes with him I slowly unraveled a grand and cosmic scale of monstrous REGRET. Possible ONLY under acute influence of Saturn Retrograde.

As explained in the previous post, the entire Saga of my marriage and the consequent shifting base to Delhi, happened during Annual Saturn Retrograde, 2005– 06. As my journals of that period testify, this grand SHIFT/ movement was perceived as a GREAT LEAP FORWARD, then. But NOW, seven years later, as the results come to the fore, the conclusion is immanent: For Saturn Ruled people, DECISIONS, PROGRESSIONS, especially, MEGA SCALED ENDEAVOURS during Saturn Retrograde bear TOTALLY EMPTY HARVEST, FALLOW REAPINGS!! For Saturn ruled people, such MEGA endeavors, initiatives during Saturn Retrograde bring IMMENSE REGRET, and COLLOSSAL ATONEMENT!!

In fact, in some of my previous articles/posts, I HAVE mentioned in detail THAT, for me, almost all my, landmark breakthroughs, major beginnings HAVE all commenced during Annual Saturn Retrograde. Spawning a vast harvest of withering, decaying harvests!! Those having doubts about the scale, power of Saturn Retrograde, kindly recall Napoleons battle of Waterloo and the Pandavas in the losing dice game with the Kauravas in the Mahabharat. The 4.5 month period of the Annual Saturn Retrograde has power enough to create EVENTS whose long lasting results and effects can LAST for years and years!! For Saturn it’s all about Long LASTING EFFECTS!! One way or another.

Later, after my friend Ronen dropped me home, I remained in a half drunk stupor for a long time. Awash with a tidal wave of emotions. The conversations of the evening rewinding the the period of the false “take off” during Saturn Retro 2005- 06. If anything, I have only moved massively backwards, regressed backwards in time, since then. FOR, that initial transgression of 2005- 06, was followed by a litany of long series of mistakes/ forward motions during subsequent Annual Saturn Retrograde periods. Year after year!! Wherein, instead of remaining in stagnation/ hibernation, I had participated in the most forward, proactive, dynamic, headlong rush during Saturn Retrograde. Thus, in this post, being in the 3rd day of Ultra Retro period of Saturn Retro 2013..

I want to take my personal regret and atonement to the max

So that, in some serpentine, vague way..

I MAY, somewhat, reduce/ negate/ redeem

those GROSS oversights/ mistakes of previous Retro years...

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Saturn Retro 2013, 66- Falling Backwards

1st Jun, Saturday, 2013. FROM Today begin s the 3 week period of Ultra Retro phase of Saturn Retrograde. Where the Force and  acuteness of Saturn Retro boosts to 175% of Max Saturn Retro! The volcanic sting in the tail phase.  For me, the past 1 month period of so called Falling/ Reducing Retro, i.e, the month of May was severely marred by catastrophic events galore. Wherein I was looking forward to relief, etc, because of the prevailing 7 planet opposition DIRECTLY in the sign of Libra- Aries, where Saturn Retrograde was directly occurring. Bringing the most horrifying events to the fore. 

NOW, that ULTRA RETRO has officialy commenced, I want to, I would like to, UTILISE the massive RETROGRADE force of this phase and address LONG PENDING CORE ISSUES. Repetitively.
Since quite some days now, I had been poring over my journals from 2003, 2004, 2005. My marriage happened on 27th November, 2005, and I made the great shift from Guwahati  to Delhi, purely during Saturn Retro 2005. In fact, one of the MAJOR events of life, namely marriage happened during Saturn Retrograde itself. Now wonder then, that Seven Years down the line, I personally haven’t been able to  take things further, into the next level. In fact, I’ve moved severely backwards, regressed severely, these past Seven Years!!
In my journals of 2004, 2005, I was surprised to find that I had been considerably looking forward to my pending shift from Guwahati to Delhi. It feels unimaginable now that Guwahati Delhi shift was perceived move forward. And maybe, COULD have been so! BUT, Alas, the shift, the giant leap forward, the EXODUS  happened DURING Saturn Retro 2005- 06. When the Saturnine bow was  being pulled back. And ever since, I have always kept on falling back, regressing, retrograding into my hometown.  It was an exodus, “giant leap forward” that never happened! And I’ve been stuck in a RETRO-active/ regressive loop ever since!

The past one month of Falling Retro, wherein I’ve come back to my hometown visit, because of some legal obligations, has definitely seen an  EBBING from the normal contemplation, retrospection, prevailing during the past two and half months of Rising Retro.  Hardly any retrospective, reflective, RETROACTIVE posts. Today, since Ultra Retro has commenced, I am posting again, “coincidentally” on the dot. About my failed “giant leap forward” of shifting from Guwahati  to Delhi DURING Saturn Retro 2005. And have been falling backwards ever since.  And this time, being in my hometown itself during Saturn Retrograde, I have been able to recapitulate, rewind, the layers of emotions which served as a priori before my “giant leap forward”,  the  utterly failed project of exodus to Delhi.
My experiences and actions don’t seem to make any sense, except when you  put the Saturn Retrograde equation in place. THEN, everything makes perfect sense, the perfect fallout of the Saturn Retrograde phenomenon. A time to fall backwards, regress, move back, return, regress was erroneously used to move forwards. Hence the catastrophic, demonic, regressive fallout, ever since! Till all infinity and eternity!!

..unless, somehow counteracted it with an equivalent and opposite correction…

otherwise.. round and round i go.. forever.....