Saturn Retro 2013: 72- Paris Reversed 05

24th June, Monday, 2013. More or less, it has become the conclusion of this long Annual Saturn Retrograde 2013, even though Saturn will turn directional only in 1st week of July. The effects of Saturn Retrograde, commence 15 days before the actual Retrograde begins/ ends. This will be my 72nd and concluding post on Annual Saturn Retrograde 2013.

As i was describing in the previous 4 posts, this years final week of Ultra Retro 2013, i.e, Monday 17th Jun- 23rd Jun Sunday was exact inverse of the final week of Ultra Retro 2009, Monday, 27th April- Sunday, 2nd May, the EXACT period of my Paris Trip, 2009. On Saturday evening, 22nd Jun, 2013, I had to suddenly leave FOR Shillong to attend to a half completed Vastu assignment.

On 2nd May, 2009, evening, we left FROM Paris. The entire Sunday, of 3rd May, 2009, was a day of coming down, into the Void/ Furnace/ Gravitas of Delhi. Whereas, exactly Sunday, 23rd Jun, 2013, represented an ESCAPE/ ANTI GRAVITY from the Furnace of Guwahati Heat Wave, into the Haven of Un-planned Shillong. The client took me to the Cathedral in the evening, and to Shillong Cafe where a live band was playing. I actually felt like being in Europe. DAY FOR EXACT REVERSAL of the almost Penultimate Day of Saturn Retrograde 2009 and 2013.

Monday, 4th May, 2009 represented such an dark Gravitas/ Return to Ground zero and descending. There is such an acute entry in my journal of 2009 about the return to the Summer horror/ Void of then New Delhi's hottest summer. Especially from the sudden contrast of a magical, sudden week in Paris. Whereas TODAY, Monday, 24th Jun, 2013 wherein I had to extend my trip in Shillong, a sudden Haven, because of the availability of workmen pertaining to the site!!

BASICALLY, Saturn Retrograde works!! Especially, in my case. I dont know WHAT the coming days bring BUT  want to officially conclude this long Series on Saturn Retro 2013. Henceforth, I may later update under Post heading ""Harvests 2103, that is, any result arising from the sacrifices/ redemptions partaken during Annual Saturn Retro, 2013. Jai Shanidev!! Whew!

Saturn Retro 2013: 71- Paris Reversed 04

22nd June, Saturday, 2:02 am. What a late night for blogging update. But then, this is when i found access to time/ net/ space. in previous 4 posts i wrote how this year, 2013's Saturn Retrograde's final 'Ultra Retro' has become inverse of Paris Trip, 2009. Some of the gentle readers have already complained about me repeating myself. But thats what EXACTLY a Saturn ruled person does, during Saturn Retrograde, especially its final/ concluding Ultra Retro phase.

As opposed to Wednesday, 29th April, 2009, when I had spent the entire day in magnifique Louvre museum, mine 19th Jun, Wednesday, 2013, INVERSELY, I spent in our office space, painting our bathroom with live action colours, splattering colour all over me.

Ultra Retro 2009, this day was spent Consuming/ absorbing/ observing most famous, historical, Globally recognised, acclaimed, art of the Louvre museum. And INVERSELY, this Ultra Retro 2013, was spent in creating personal OUTput of personal, narrow, artistic expression, albeit, in a obscure corner of our office bathroom.

Later, afternoon, spent day in Brahmaputra resort with Santu and Lovita, who had taken me out for lunch. It was the SAME place, we had all visited after our wedding ceremony in Nov 2005. During Saturn Retro 2005. Suddenly, i WAS transported back in time. Had never revisited it during all Guwahati trips, since then. But only NOW, during ultra retro 2013.

Thursday, 30th April, 2009, I spent in roaming Paris, in it's wild romantic beauty. Though, no journal entries remain. i seem to have been Completely Bedazzled by the beauty of Paris. Too stunned, and starstruck, even to have made some basic journal entries!! (For one, who has always kept such extensive records of an ordinary day). Thursday, 20th June, 2013, was spent selecting and hauling tiles in hot, humid, tropical noon from a dark warehouse for the completion of our office's extension room for my sisters office space. After a long and leisurely sojourn at hometown, it was a day of acute physical labour, heat, dehydration, etc. Evening, i went far for a task to khura's place, but later which proved fallow/ barren. Late evening, i just dissipated mine energies, after failed and laborious endeavors of the day. Later cousin Ahir and i visited a sick friend Aren, who was down with typhoid. Her usual bustling place of countless people, felt like Rue de Morgue, with its pallid gloom, sickness in the air. Perfect contradictory atmosphere of Saturn Retrograde. The silence was deafening. None of her usual party friends were around. Only us, two random friends, sitting in equivalent gloomy silence.

On 1st May, 2009, being May Day in Paris, the streets were crowded with unimaginable processions, events, performances, rallies, demonstrations, picnics, and unimaginable scene. I shot a long montage shot of a group of female drummers in yellow-jackets in a unimaginable traveling rhythm. it was the most unimaginable LIVE high of my life, until then. A shot that I have edited and re-edited a thousand times after that. INVERSELY, Today, Friday, 21st June, 2013, was spent in extreme bustle of jumpstarting my sisters media extension, in our fathers office. Getting priest, pooja, foodstuff, this and that. Later, i had accidentally taken the house keys with me, severely locking out all from home, and getting severely rebuked for the same.

But today, after an entire day of sourness, letdowns, late evening, suddenly inexplicably met up with two old friends and was in an uncharacteristic elated mood.  INVERSELY, by evening of 1st May, 2009, must have felt despondent, and gloomy in Paris. As the magic of Mayday in Paris, was HIGH, but only one more day remained in Paris, the next day, Saturday!!

It's NECCESARY for me to write about Ultra Retro/ Saturn Retro days in such detail, because Saturn Retrograde, demands it. Such detailed archival comparisons. When saturn Retro, finally ends, I can (hopefully) get back to motion/ movement. Normalcy.

 Such complicated, obssessive, comparisons are natural and necessary  during Saturn Retrograde. Especially, during Ultra Retro.

Saturn Retro 2013: 70- Paris Reversed 03

18^th June, Tuesday, as I described in the previous three  posts, this years Saturn Retro 2013’s final week (17^th Jun, Monday- 23^rd Jun, Sunday) is/ has/ become/ becoming  a SYMMETRICAL  INVERSE/ REVERSE of my Paris Trip of Saturn Retro 2009, (27^th April, Monday- 3^rd May, Sunday).  A kind of mandatory, (in) voluntary, REVERSAL to counteract years of previous  transgressions during Saturn Retro. AND, a REVERSAL, which is also helping unravel  two different orders/ entities of contemporary thought, namely the fantasmatic Object/ Desire of Paris Trip 2009, and the VOID/ Black hole of Hometown Guwahati trip of 2013. Saturn Retrograde is where it’s all happening. Vedic Scholars were tripping on OUR so called cutting edge, contemporary, cutting edge TIME LOOP.. long back in the ancient times!!

Reversals between:  Monday, 27^th April, 2009- Monday , 17^th Jun, 2013

Monday, 27^th April, 2009, early morning we set out of home for Paris. Entire noon time was spent in international airport, Immigration form, process. By noon, our flight had taken off. Meanwhile, just before taking off, Sangeeta, bought a packet of Assam Tea from International airport, for her colleagues in Paris. This act was a Virtual of the Virtual of the Virtual. Being from Assam, buying Tea not from Assam, nor Delhi local market, BUT the outgoing counter of the International airport!! In contrast, Monday 17^th June, was a complete INVERSE/ REVERSE. Woke late from friend Adil’s office, had to come home in searing heat, because of the construction work, going on at home and office simultaneously. Later  walked in searing heat of Guwhati’s heat spell, noon, went with painters to buy additional paints for Vastu correction of our kitchen and eastern area, a LONG PENDING task, since yesteryears!  

Whereas, in Monday, Retro 2009, I was suspended in Unfolding Anti Gravity, Virtual Reality, and strangely felt ONE amidst unknown strangers in a strange land. Conversely, on Monday Retro 2013, I was in the heart of Gravitas, the mud PIT deep inside home ground. There was no electricity, water, lift, etc, at home. The sweltering heat, the heart of the Pan- asian dystopia! Later, had gone with Lueit to our fellow hostelite/ architect Parthajeet Sharma’s book launch, “Smart Phones, Dumb People”. Where I was remarked upon by some acquaintances, Senitinels of Assamese Culture” on my shabby hair, clothes, un-smart appearance. Which pierced my ego/ heart, because I’m NOT the casual attitude, that I recklessly portray. Despite my current Saturn Retro bearded, scrawny, and shabby look. But good timing, being Saturn Ultra Retro, especially Paris reverse. 

In  afternoon of Monday 27^th April, 09, a stranger, visitor from south Africa helped me out regarding some queries regarding Paris. Whereas, now here in  2013, got insult, tenga, from forever known faces. DIRECT Symmetrical Inverse!!

In Ultra Retro 2009, during this exact time, Monday evening, had entered  Paris, in rainy, divine weather, a magical suspended journey from airport to Champs De Elysees. The Anti Gravity, magic, mystery in the air was too much. Cool Europe, Parisian magic, at its sublime best. During Later, evening, I went with Bitu to khuras place for some astro corrections. Soaking in sweat, in the sweltering heat, we had rum like fools. And, were almost collapsing in the “gela Gorom”.  Later, Bitu and I came down to Hridoys place. In the sweltering heat, we drank and talked of metaphysics. I poured water over myself, didn’t dry, wear clothes, just to stay alive. The Gravitas, in the air was too much. Tropical Asia, at its humid worst.

Further, later into the night I went to my young friend Mon’s place at Usha Court, Zoo Tiniali. His apartment/ building carries a distinct residue of the political turbulence of early Assam. Ask any resident, they can testify about the dark phase, upheaval, political turbulence of Assam, and this building’s centre stage in it.  Every time, I come here and stay overnight, I get swallowed by dreams and stories of past political backwaters. Far backwaters, stories of unimaginable darkness, chaos, mayhem, violence, rupture. And the residual energy of this building, which had many ceremonies performed here to purify it’s quarters, still carries a tangential residue of an unique nature. It’s yellow, gloomy, gothic,  and carries a strange spidery feeling.  

A perfect inverse of the interiors of Hotel California, in Champs’ De Elysses, in front of the Arch De Triumph, at the HEART of Paris, where we stayed in, in our Paris Trip, Ultra Retro, 2009. Comparing Monday 27th April, ’09, our first night in Hotel California, (the strangest of names ever), I felt odd, out of place, jittery by the European texture of things. But conversely, Monday, 17^th Jun, ’13, I felt STRANGELY welcome into familiar Gravitas, residual Heaviness,  of Mons place at Usha court. Slipping into a familiar, dark, swamp, a yellow, gothic, pool, it had meaning, infamous roots in dark terror. BUT yet, purged, comforting, darkness incarnate. Saturnine. The perfect abode for RE-ENTRY during  Ultra Retro!

On Monday, 27th April ’2009, I was staying in the heart of  the Fantasmatic Object/ Simulation, staying in a “Hotel California” in Champs De Elysses, Paris. However, yesterday Monday, hometown Retro ’13, Conversely, I was stationed in the Void/ gravitas of Usha Court. In 2009, the fantsmatic object, too bright to bear, too much to unwind. And in 2013, despite it’s universally recognized terror, the Void was welcoming, soothing, helping one unwind from the blazing inferno of the Solar inferno, outside. A brief, DARK, shady, and COMFORING haunt!!

Tuesday, 28^th April, 2009- Tuesday , 18^th Jun, 2013

Tuesday, 28^th April, 2009, was the first morning, when I set out in Paris, alone, after Sangeeta had left for her official work. For a person, who hardly does any travelling alone, nor exploration, adventure, it was a remarkable, lifetime event. Exploring Paris, all on my own, without knowing the language, a brand new unimaginable adventure. An unimaginable, MAGICAL Voyage. Suspended in Unimaginable ANTI GRAVITY.  In contrast, Tuesday 18^th June, 2013, was a complete INVERSE/ REVERSE. Woke late at Mon’s place, late, outside the world with its busy traffic, chaotic roads, rolled by, I felt like The One Who Got Off The Ride!! Left behind by the world, long behind, far backwaters! Woke up to the ever familiar NIGHTMARISH Void, of HaNGOVER,  of the Horror of the Real. Had to come home in searing heat, because of the construction work, going on at home and office simultaneously. House was in a grand mess, wall cut, AC pipes, repair, renovation in full bloom. The nightmare of Reality. Dust, chaos, exposed veines/ arteries of the house. Mother narrating NIGHTMARISH stories of water, electricity, domestic problems. Nightmaruish realities. Suddenly , I was DEEP into the dark, humid , intestines, the suffocating BELLY of the BEAST!! 

 Tuesday, 28^th April, 2009, the whole day, I roamed around, until my feet pained, in the magical city of Paris. Exploring, discovering. Conversely, Tuesday 18^th June, 2013, was a complete INVERSE/ REVERSE, dealing with domestic problems, broken pipes, leakages, dust, viscera of Home, which I normally deal with, always roaming about, in Hometown Guwahati. Later, after sisters room AC got installed, collapsed, lazed for endless hours, uncharacteristically AT HOME, WHOLE DAY in Inexplicable REST/ INERTIA, but explainable only by it’s Symmetric Inverse:  

 Tuesday, 28^th April, 2009, a day where I was in unwarranted movement, motion, exploring the Virgin territory of Paris. Getting over my fears, getting to know Paris, in its sublime magic. FRESH, NEW, SUBLIME, MAGIC in contrast to Tuesday 18^th June, OLD HORRORS RESURRECTED. NOW, as I write out this final para, completeing it’s final instalment in Lueits office, and after a spell of HOT/ COLD contrasts, (AC/ outside, again and again) am having a hideous cold, in this  Hot weather.

I can definitely testify regarding my emotional state during Evening in Paris, Tuesday, 28^th April, 2009, that after a spell of Diverse contrasts, I must have finally dissolved it into a understanding/ Integrity/ universal Fundament/ an Organic whole about the City I had been formerly, so apprehensive about. Conversely, Tuesday 18^th June, 2013, was a complete NIGHTMARE, in my ever familiar hometown, a day of diverse contrasts, which find me, in Hot/ Cold nightmarish unease. Neurasentic irritation. 

 Evening in Paris, Tuesday, 28^th April, 2009, found me in  SATISFACTION at having dealt well with a Brand New World, so well. Whereas, evening, Tuesday 18^th June, 2013, in hometown finds me so ruffled, askew, jittery, loose, COME Undone at the seams, at having handled OLD HORRORS RESURRECTED, so badly.  

“Tomorrow”, Wednesday, 29^th April, 2009, was the Day, when I went and visited and stayed the whole day at the Louvre Museum. I wonder what, TOMORROW, Wednesday, 19^th June, 2013, in it’s DEMONIC INVERSE, will serve on my plate! I rightfully Shudder!! Signing off, for now.. !

Saturn Retro 2013, 69- Paris Reversed

15^th Jun, Saturday,  2013. Today’s  the 15^th day, of the three week Ultra Retro phase. The concluding phase of Annual Saturn Retro, 2013. In the previous post I wrote in detail, about how this year’s Ultra Retro phase has become a reversal of Ultra Retro 2009. A year when I went to Paris, along with my wife on her official tour, despite the death of my then astro guru T.N. Sarma. An unimaginable digression for a Saturnine creature. During the very first day of Ultra Retro 2009, 13^th April, the news of death of my then astro guru T.N Sarma, came from hometown Guwahati. He was a major foundation/ cornerstone in ALL our decisions. Suddenly the ground beneath my feet vanished. Despite the utter shock, fallout, two weeks later, I still went along with my wife to Paris on her official tour. The most fantastic UN-Real trip ever! Especially, during the peak  Retro energies of Ultra Retro 2009. It was the my fourth consecutive year of involuntary violation of Annual Saturn Retrograde.  And the Paris Trip, 2009, completely sealed the Karmic programme. And hence, from 2009 itself, there has been a huge incidence of Karmic repayment, atonement.

PARIS REVERSED: contrasts between Retro 2009 and Retro 2013

I wrote in the last post, how in this Ultra Retro 2013 ( 1^st- 21^st Jun), lingering on, and overstaying in Guwahati hometown because of various obligations, postponing the return trip to Delhi has brought me a lot of criticism/ flak. 

Whereas, in Ultra Retro 2009, diametrically/ INVERSELY, the Paris trip was all about an universally recognised/ approved/ endorsed/ movement. There was a tremendous universal glamour associated with the Paris trip. It was perceived by ALL as a tremendous NEW PROGRESSION.
  But this Ultra Retro 2013, my delayed return to Delhi, hanging around in my hometown is being acutely  unrecognised/ disapproved/ misunderstood action. It has been perceived by ALL as a tremendous stagnation, backward REGRESSION.

 The Paris Trip of  Ultra Retro 2009, can be termed as involuntary/ passive/ PROGRESSION/ BREAK-through. And, this years Ultra Retro 2013, my current, overdelayed stay in hometown Guwahati trip can be termed as involuntary/ passive/ REGRESSION/ BREAK-down!! 

In the days following up to the Paris Trip, I was in great apprehension, a tremendous build up, supported and endorsed by all. LOGICALLY, rationally, why was I being apprehensive? It was a GREAT adventure ahead!! Conversely, in these days following up to my return trip to Delhi, I am in great apprehension, a tremendous breakdown, criticised and negated by all. LOGICALLY, rationally, why was I being apprehensive? I was ONLY returning to my own place!   

In Ultra Retro 2009, as the days of my Paris trip approached closer, my body was involuntarily being filled with Positive/ electrical/ Buzz/ a kind of nervous torpor. A kind of Tachycardia, accelerated beating of the heart. However, CONVERSELY, this year  Ultra Retro 2013, as the days of my return to Delhi trip approaches closer, my body is involuntarily SLOWING down. As if, being DRAINED of all Adrenalin, and being filled with Sedatives/ heaviness/ drowsiness.. a kind of Primordial lethargy! A kind of Bradycardia, deccelerated beating, slow down of the heart.  

During Ultra Retro 2009, at this moment I was in involuntary ANTI-GRAVITY. And during Retro 2013, at this moment I am in involuntary GRAVITY. Literally, as Im writing this text in Lueits back office, in their GRAVITY Activity Centre!! 

 Such are the signposts/ signs, I seek from Lord Saturn, in this long winding serpentine journey of Saturn Retrograde.  

In Ultra Retro 2009, as the days approached, a grand adventure, the lottery ticket of a great and unimaginable vacation approached. And, in UR 2013, as the days approach for my return to Delhi, an unimaginable feeling of dread, unease, queasiness seems to possess myself. As if, I’m losing my centre in some unimaginable way!  

Ultra Retro was all melodrama about a Positivist/ Forward/ Rapture/ Breakthrough movement. Today,  Ultra Retro 2013, the melodrama is all about Return/ Negation/ Relapse/ Regression/ Residue. Existential questions about  Void/ foundation/ roots/ base.

  
In 2009, it was all about Paris, a fantasmatic OBJECT of DESIRE! And this year, 2013, is about return to Delhi, the VOID of  EXILE. 


Ultra Retro 2009 was about flight, rapture, Take off, voyage. And Ultra Retro 2013 has been about Gravity, rupture, landing, return to home AFTER a long Voyage. The hangover of the day after!! The crunching jaws of inescapable Destiny/ Reality, Dis- Real Truth.
 As opposed to the Roman Holiday, magical trip, Un-Real, Sublime, fleeting virtuality of the Paris Trip! 

 In UR 2009, it was about Manifestation of my latent DESIRE towards things exotic/ phoren/ abroad/ bidesh. The longing for the fascinating OTHER, coming true.  But, this year UR 2013, it ‘s ALL about Manifestation of nightmares, secret FEARS!!  The sheer  underlying FEAR of the VOID. The Desert of the Real. Nightmarish visceral Dis-Reailty. After the pastures of heaven, a nightmarish return to Reailty, a Return to Exile! 


 I think, the major flaw of the Paris Trip, was that it was severely premature, far before its allotted time. And outlandish magnum opus, out of time and place. Whereas, in these past few days of UR 2013, I have seen blossoming, arrival of things, Over-ripe, long delayed, postponed, in their becoming. Things arriving, FAR too LATE, severely delayed in their manifestation.

METAPHYSICS of SATURN RETROGRADE

In the previous post, I wrote how I had been been intensely sharing/ discussing reading Slavoj Zizek’s “Interrogating The Real”, in great detail, with my friend Egg-head. Especially the concept of “Negation of the Negation”. Fascinating thing is, the comparison between Ultra Retro 2009/ Paris Trip and Ultra Retro 2013/ Hometown Visit perfectly YIELDS the contrast between Structuralism/ the fantastic object/ Positivism and the Void/ Negation/ Deconstruction!!   

Compulsory Initial Failure as defined by Lacan
The “great mistake” of the Paris trip, 2009, is the Compulsory Initial Failure as defined by Lacan. It was NECCESARY for my eventual understanding Saturn/ Saturn retrograde/ my version of reality!! 

In Ultra Retro 2009, IF the fantasmatic event of the Virtual/ Unreal Paris trip had NOT happened, during the contradictory phase of Saturn Retro, I could have never experienced the subsequent UNRAVELLING. About the sheer contradiction of Solar/ Logocentric/ Positivist/ Phallocentric thought. The DOWNSide of Rationalism!! Especially for the Saturnine/ Saturn ruled person!!!!  For within the the fantasmatic object/ Retrograde ITSELF is concealed, the very underlying seed of it’s OWN contradiction! The seed of the Great Great Void. For later, as Saturn turned directional, the fantasmatic object/ Ultimate desire of PARIS conveniently NEGATED itself and collapsed upon itself, becoming a Great Void. And harvesting a vast blossoming of Harsh underlying reality. Spawning Harvests  of the Dis-Real, EVER SINCE.  

This year (un) consciously, am I attempting Negation of the Negation?? Creating a forced Event,  to counteract the Primal mistake of the Paris Trip, 2009.

CONCLUSION: my role..

 I feel, that my philosophical disposition, contemplative ardour, thinking attitude is ONE that is COMPLETELY fuelled by Saturn Retrograde energies. Somehow, I WASN’T supposed to be this thinking, great metaphysical contemplator. It’s MERELY the Saturnine factor/ function in RETROGRADE, that is THE causation of all these introspections/ contemplations! That finds me naturally, sitting in the poise of Rodin’s statue “the Thinker”. Because, after four years (2010-13) of counteracting the digressions of  Saturn Retro, years 2006- 09, I have purged myself of the usual unpleasantries of redemption. And have carried this Retrograde exercise into the domains of movement which divulges the philosophical opposition between Logocentric/ Positivism- versus Negation/ Deconstruction. The introspective/ inward mood, motion, I’m currently in, is directly in Contrast with the mood, motion, disposition during Ultra Retro 2009. Wherein, I was in the grasp of a Great and Fantasmatic object of the Paris Trip! Whereas this Ultra Retro 2013, has been about  INERTIA and regression. A RETROACTIVE movement. What Zizek calls Negation of the Negation. The INVERSE of Objective/ Positivist/ Rationalist thought! ESPECIALLY for those Saturn ruled, THIS IS the time to lay backwards and contemplate. Brood endlessly upon subjective complexities. Engage/ address all internal Conflicts/ Contradictions. Dwell in the serpentine backwaters of.. Negation of Negation!

Saturn Retro 2013, 68- Negation of Negation

14^th Jun, Friday,  2013. Today’s  the 14^th day, of the three week Ultra Retro phase. The third and final phase of Annual Saturn Retro, 2013.  Another one week remaining. For this most dreaded, acute, intense three week phase of Ultra Retro to end. And thus finally conclude, the Annual Saturn Retrograde, 2013.

For me, this year’s three week period of Ultra Retro 2013 has become a reversal/ Karmic recompense of Ultra Retro 2009. A year when I went to Paris, along with my wife on her official tour, despite the death of my then astro guru T.N. Sarma. An unimaginable digression for a Saturnine creature, Saturn ruled person like myself. 

In fact, it was (un)knowingly my fourth year in sequence of such major digressions, violations during the annual Saturn Retrograde phase. This history of transgressions/ violations of mine during Saturn Retrograde began from 2005-6 itself..

In Saturn Retro 2005-6, I married ( such a major and quantum change in life) and shifted base from Guwahati to Delhi. 

In Saturn Retro 2006-07, I completely hurled myself headlong into an interior project for a travel agency at the heart of Connaught Place, a prime New Delhi location. The project was an unbelievable disaster, and so was the fate of the short lived span of the travel agency. 

In Saturn Retro 2008, I teamed up on multiple levels with a sizeable group of friends, architects for a mega/ grand  villa project connected to Medicity, which never materialised.  In my recent years, as I regularly visit Medicity for my father-in- laws treatment, I look back at the fictious bogus virtuality of the imagined project of Retro 2008. 

In Saturn Retro 2009, the fourth consecutive year of violation of Saturn Retro, I pushed things to limit. After a long, successful campaign to re-register my missing certificates, from the university of Mumbai, I was in a long architectural training programme, under my friend in Mumbai. 
On 13^th April, the very first morning of  the three week period of Ultra Retro 2009, the news of death of my then astro guru T.N. Sarma reached us. Despite the shock, fallout, I still went along with my wife to Paris on her official tour. Saturn retrograde, especially the three week intense sub period of Ultra Retro, is a period for Saturnine people to say NO. But I made the classic mistake of saying YES, when I should have said NO! The sudden windfall Paris Trip was the most fantastic/ virtual/ UN-Real trip of my life. And it happened bang on the peak Retrograde energies of Ultra Retro 2009. This fourth and final consecutive year of repeated violation during Saturn retrograde, completely sealed my Karmic Recompense schedule for my next four years. And hence, from 2009 itself, there has been a huge incidence of Karmic repayment, atonement, for me. Especially during the period of Annual Saturn Retrograde For the gross indiscretion of the previous Saturn Retro years (2006- 2009).  

NEGATION OF THE NEGATION: Slavoj Zizek

Last few days, have been intensely sharing/ discussing reading Slavoj Zizek’s “Interrogating The Real”, in great detail, with my friend Mriganka Madhukaillya. It is one of Zizerk’s epically loaded book with with valuable insights. In it, in the concept of “Negation of the Negation”, Zizek says: “ Each fantasmatic Object conceals the Gaping Void within itself , which is also SUSTAINED by it..” 

In Saturn Retro 2009, during Ultra Retro when the fantasmatic/  /Virtual/ Unreal Paris trip happened, it concealed within itself, the underlying seed/ promise/ guarantee of the Great Void to be unfolded later. Later, as Saturn turned directional, the object/ desire of the Paris Trip Reversed/ NEGATED itself and turned into the Great Void. A harsh desert of ghoulish underlying reality, what Roland Barthes calls the "Dis-Real", ever since. This year (un) consciously, like a sci-fi character in a Time Loop, I am attempting to reverse the violations of previous years of Saturn retrograde, by the method of Negation of the Negation!!!

By creating a forced Event of a looming great Void!! A simulated  phase of Acute Lacking, to counteract the Primal mistake of the Paris Trip, 2009. Creating a demonic apparition, in order to purge/ negate/ REVERSE a former fantastic catastrophe!!

In another instance, Zizek also discusses a very famous historical European figure, who was an authentic, Public, Mystic in daytime. And a hardcore, shrewd, political activist in nighttime. Zizek says: “Being a public, authentic mystic, and highly political in your private experience. No guarantee, what the political effects of your subjective experience will be..”. This time, in Ultra Retro, I’m exactly experiencing the phenomenon of this very dark flipside. The subjective experience of my being a Public Astro/ Vaastu consultant by “daytime”.  And the flipside of The NIGHTmarish private, political, subjective, residue. EXACTLY, what I’m experiencing during this Ultra Retro, 2013. The complex, hideous, subjective, serpentine, conflict/ melodrama within. A perfect ANTI-thesis  of the Grand Epical event of Paris Trip, Ultra Retro 2009!

This Ultra Retro 2013, finds me STILL lingering about in hometown Guwahati. Subjectively experiencing private, complex, conflicts of the deepest backwaters During Saturn Retro 2005-6, I had married, and set forth to Delhi, as a medicine to the irresolution/ stagnation experienced in hometown Guwahati. Trying to  “transcended” the gravity of Guwahati, the Freudian act to “solve” the perpetual problem. However, the “medicine/ solution” of Delhi was a higher disease in disguise. The act of moving base during the inappropriate time, of Saturn Retro 2009 has found me existing in a  pathological/ crippling homesickness ever since. Ideologically  trapped ever since, betwixt two worlds, and realities. This year, finds me submitting to the natural inertia/ conflict/ scizophernia latent in my hometown Guwahati. Maybe this RETURN/ RGRESSION to former rresolution/ conflict is the true healing process? The perfect Lacanian medicine of Saturn Retrograde. What  Zizek calls.. “Negation of the Negation”.

Like, most others, I too have the desire towards all things phoren/ abroad/ bidesh the OTHER.  Which is a healthy, progressive, drive, essentially, BUT provided, this fascination/ longing for the other shore/ greener pastures has appropriate approach/ timing. Otherwise, such an attempt/ endeavour can severely backfire and make one reach the farthest backwaters of the very swamps, one had been trying to transcend. During Retro 2009, when I was unwillingly prepared for my Paris trip, a grand adventure, the lottery ticket of an unimaginable vacation, the melodrama was all about a Positivist/ Forward/ Rapture/ Breakthrough movement. Today,  Ultra Retro 2013, the melodrama is all about Return/ Negation/ Relapse/ Regression/ Residue. Existential questions about  Void/ foundation/ roots/ base. In 2009, it was about a Paris/ fantasmatic trip abroad, the Irresistible desire of the OTHER!  And this year, 2013, merely about return to my current city of residence, it’s about the VOID/ Gravity of the inescapable ONE. Destiny/ Reality/ Truth!! Whereas, in 2009,  the Paris trip was all about an universally recognised/ approved/ endorsed/ movement forward PROGRESSION. But this Ultra Retro 2013, my delayed return to Delhi, hanging around in hometown is all about unrecognised/ disapproved/ misunderstood/ stagnation, backward regression.  There was a tremendous universal glamour associated with the Paris trip of Ultra Retro ’09, but it was a fleeting, fantastic. An unreal fleeting simulacra. A fantsmatic object of DESIRE which, I’m trying to counteract with its diametric, diagonal inverse.  By the Zizekian procedure of “Negation of the Negation”. This time around, in Ultra Retro 2013.

Saturn Retro 2013, 67- Retro Regrets

5th June, Wednesday, Day 4 of three weeks of Ultra Retro, Annual Saturn Retrograde, 2013. As I explained before, these three weeks of Annual Saturn Retrograde, namely Ultra Retro (2nd – 23rd Jun) is the most acute, over amplified period of Saturn Retrograde. The sting of Retrograde’s tail!! For Saturn ruled people, this three week period is one of ACUTE regression, rewind, redemption, reviewing. And, for Sun ruled people an extreme period of progression, advancement, forward, proactive, dynamic motion. The energy of this three weeks of Ultra Retro period can be taken as 175% MORE of the usual effects and influence of Saturn Retrograde.


Today, I was at our Guwahati club adda after a long time. I was talking with old friends Ronen Deuri, Ranga, Baba etc. I was meeting Ronen after a gap of 7 years almost. In our conversations we landed up to the period just before my shifting to Delhi after marriage. Comparing notes with him I slowly unraveled a grand and cosmic scale of monstrous REGRET. Possible ONLY under acute influence of Saturn Retrograde.

As explained in the previous post, the entire Saga of my marriage and the consequent shifting base to Delhi, happened during Annual Saturn Retrograde, 2005– 06. As my journals of that period testify, this grand SHIFT/ movement was perceived as a GREAT LEAP FORWARD, then. But NOW, seven years later, as the results come to the fore, the conclusion is immanent: For Saturn Ruled people, DECISIONS, PROGRESSIONS, especially, MEGA SCALED ENDEAVOURS during Saturn Retrograde bear TOTALLY EMPTY HARVEST, FALLOW REAPINGS!! For Saturn ruled people, such MEGA endeavors, initiatives during Saturn Retrograde bring IMMENSE REGRET, and COLLOSSAL ATONEMENT!!

In fact, in some of my previous articles/posts, I HAVE mentioned in detail THAT, for me, almost all my, landmark breakthroughs, major beginnings HAVE all commenced during Annual Saturn Retrograde. Spawning a vast harvest of withering, decaying harvests!! Those having doubts about the scale, power of Saturn Retrograde, kindly recall Napoleons battle of Waterloo and the Pandavas in the losing dice game with the Kauravas in the Mahabharat. The 4.5 month period of the Annual Saturn Retrograde has power enough to create EVENTS whose long lasting results and effects can LAST for years and years!! For Saturn it’s all about Long LASTING EFFECTS!! One way or another.

Later, after my friend Ronen dropped me home, I remained in a half drunk stupor for a long time. Awash with a tidal wave of emotions. The conversations of the evening rewinding the the period of the false “take off” during Saturn Retro 2005- 06. If anything, I have only moved massively backwards, regressed backwards in time, since then. FOR, that initial transgression of 2005- 06, was followed by a litany of long series of mistakes/ forward motions during subsequent Annual Saturn Retrograde periods. Year after year!! Wherein, instead of remaining in stagnation/ hibernation, I had participated in the most forward, proactive, dynamic, headlong rush during Saturn Retrograde. Thus, in this post, being in the 3rd day of Ultra Retro period of Saturn Retro 2013..

I want to take my personal regret and atonement to the max

So that, in some serpentine, vague way..

I MAY, somewhat, reduce/ negate/ redeem

those GROSS oversights/ mistakes of previous Retro years...

Saturn Retro 2013, 66- Falling Backwards

1^st Jun, Saturday, 2013. FROM Today begin s the 3 week period of Ultra Retro phase of Saturn Retrograde. Where the Force and  acuteness of Saturn Retro boosts to 175% of Max Saturn Retro! The volcanic sting in the tail phase.  For me, the past 1 month period of so called Falling/ Reducing Retro, i.e, the month of May was severely marred by catastrophic events galore. Wherein I was looking forward to relief, etc, because of the prevailing 7 planet opposition DIRECTLY in the sign of Libra- Aries, where Saturn Retrograde was directly occurring. Bringing the most horrifying events to the fore. 

NOW, that ULTRA RETRO has officialy commenced, I want to, I would like to, UTILISE the massive RETROGRADE force of this phase and address LONG PENDING CORE ISSUES. Repetitively.

Since quite some days now, I had been poring over my journals from 2003, 2004, 2005. My marriage happened on 27^th November, 2005, and I made the great shift from Guwahati  to Delhi, purely during Saturn Retro 2005. In fact, one of the MAJOR events of life, namely marriage happened during Saturn Retrograde itself. Now wonder then, that Seven Years down the line, I personally haven’t been able to  take things further, into the next level. In fact, I’ve moved severely backwards, regressed severely, these past Seven Years!!

In my journals of 2004, 2005, I was surprised to find that I had been considerably looking forward to my pending shift from Guwahati to Delhi. It feels unimaginable now that Guwahati Delhi shift was perceived move forward. And maybe, COULD have been so! BUT, Alas, the shift, the giant leap forward, the EXODUS  happened DURING Saturn Retro 2005- 06. When the Saturnine bow was  being pulled back. And ever since, I have always kept on falling back, regressing, retrograding into my hometown.  It was an exodus, “giant leap forward” that never happened! And I’ve been stuck in a RETRO-active/ regressive loop ever since!

The past one month of Falling Retro, wherein I’ve come back to my hometown visit, because of some legal obligations, has definitely seen an  EBBING from the normal contemplation, retrospection, prevailing during the past two and half months of Rising Retro.  Hardly any retrospective, reflective, RETROACTIVE posts. Today, since Ultra Retro has commenced, I am posting again, “coincidentally” on the dot. About my failed “giant leap forward” of shifting from Guwahati  to Delhi DURING Saturn Retro 2005. And have been falling backwards ever since.  And this time, being in my hometown itself during Saturn Retrograde, I have been able to recapitulate, rewind, the layers of emotions which served as a priori before my “giant leap forward”,  the  utterly failed project of exodus to Delhi.

My experiences and actions don’t seem to make any sense, except when you  put the Saturn Retrograde equation in place. THEN, everything makes perfect sense, the perfect fallout of the Saturn Retrograde phenomenon. A time to fall backwards, regress, move back, return, regress was erroneously used to move forwards. Hence the catastrophic, demonic, regressive fallout, ever since! Till all infinity and eternity!!

..unless, somehow counteracted it with an equivalent and opposite correction…

otherwise.. round and round i go.. forever.....

Saturn Retro 2013, 65- Dark Unravellings..

25^th May, Saturday. Annual  Saturn Retrograde, 2013, Day.. Wowwww!!! This has been one @#$%&^&*! LONG, WINDING HORRIFYING & KARMIC Saturn Retrograde season! AND, Boosted, amplified, to an acute level by the current ng Chaotic & Karmic planetary Transit in Aries – Libra. Check link: Because of this Transit,  SO MUCH pent up Karmic issues getting released all around. Explosions, combustions all around. Especially, from 11^th April onwards.  For me, this has been my most utterly flop hometown visit EVER!! I feel considerably distraught at the wasteland/ catastrophe of my hometown sojourn. (Check earlier posts). But, it’s all written. Karmically designed before hand! But,  AT LEAST, I could fulfill my Long pending Tara Pooja at Kamakhya. 

Yesterday, I finally got to see the finished version of  my friend Baba’s short film “Chapter 3”. Check youtube link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7_7XdAKxtg  The film PERFECTLY spelt out the current mood of this prevailing planetary transit! Disturbing, dark, subdued violence. Canned Heat! About to explode. LONG PENDING KARMIC ISSUES, finally ABOUT  to explode. In your face. An uneasy knotting in your stomach. Of highly malefic terror, lurking in the backdrop. A PERFECT representation of the current explosive Ketu + Mars conjunction in Aries opposing the dark Lords Retrograde Saturn and Rahu in Libra. The character of the protagonist in the film reflects the Ketu approach.  Vengeance personified, cool, chilled, detached, the perfect assassin.  Before watching the pic, I was feeling this nameless terror/ horror of this phase. But after watching it, I could understand what I am going through.  Of pure Ketu terror!! 

Saturn Retro 2013, 64- Dark Odyssey

22nd May, Wednesday, 94th Day, Annual Saturn Retrograde, 2013. Since the last post, so much horror has unfolded, it’s simply unimaginable. That too, in my own home ground Guwahati. In addition to health problems, chaos, disruptions, that I have entailed before, this Sunday I was hexed, cast a spell upon, by some people, whom I had visited. They slipped me something in the food, and I was suddenly in a trance. Because I have some anti- hex stuff in my body because of some prior bad experiences, so in case of such stunts the spell doesn’t work, BUT the mind- body goes haywire. Cognition, perception, coherence, clarity, continuity goes for a toss. I become like a limpid zombie for days, weeks. The brains Hard Disk crashes. And you have to reboot all over again. Meanwhile, crawling through an unimaginable state of zombiehood. Enduring fogginess, blurred perception, nervous spasms, a constant ringing in the head and ears, panic attacks, shaking hands, sudden spells of fear, spasms, sudden trachycardia, sudden spasmodic INCREASE in heartbeat/ pulse rate, sudden palpitation, blurred vision, blurred, fragmented memory, fragmented perception, amnesiac forgetfulness, impaired eyesight: stuff appears in fragmented, shaky collages. You are in stoned hell. The world is constantly spinning around you. And you can’t get a hold of it. You cannot focus on any object, vision is fragmented. Everything’s constantly spinning around. Basically, an unimaginable and utter hell.


BUT THIS is a direct CONSEQUENCE of Ketu Mars in Aries DIRECTLY aspecting this year current (Rahu conjunct) Saturn Retrograde in Libra. I was lucky to find this amazing article beforehand, explaining the horror of this phase since 11th April. The REASON BEHIND this current phase being SO HORRIFIC! Check Link: http://www.jyotishwithpaulablog.com/jyotish-blog/mars-and-ketu-in-aries-explosive-events-brewing-may-2013/ Surgery, stomach trouble, heart attack, chaos, scandal, disruption, horror, being the keywords for this phase. ESPECIALLY for Libra ascendants like me. The whole nightmarish transit IS happening INSIDE our ascendant sign Libra, ruling our body, mind, soul, identity, ego, etc. NO WONDER then, the horror of this phase!! MANY of my friends, close circle is going through unimaginable horror right now. Such is the Karmic, redemptive, function of this phase. The clearance/ Karmic purification potential of this phase, this extended journey of the usual annual Saturn Retrograde, is tremendous! The amount of horror, and hence the resultant Karmic purification you can undergo in such a phase is Not a joke! This is my 4th day in this hallucinogenic hell, it simply feels like an eternity/ yet sometimes unbelievably fast. I’ve lost track of days/ time days ago. There’s NO WAY OUT but through, like the Alanis Morisette song.

Moreover, I had to go to the dentist TWICE sop far for my stone/ plaque removal process. It normally takes a single session, but my infected gums bled SO Much, dentist had to extended the process to another session(s). and this procedure HAD been pending for years and years. In fact, when in 2007, I went to the dentist with my wife, he warned me of my infected, swollen, gums, and extreme stone/ plaque collection in my dentures. SIX LONG YEARS later, I get my mouth corrected through a process overextended by many visits, prolonged weeks. SO ACUTE was the condition. I think the state of my mouth/ dentures totally spell out/ reflect my Karmic situation: LOOONG PENDING DUES!

Hence this witchcraft/ poisoning upon me , is merely a Karmic fallout of prior lives. In one of my previous lives, I definitely was a occultist gone bad, a evil Tantric. And the horrific harvest I’m reaping currently is merely a manifestation of those prior seeds/ sowings. Such IS the Law of Karma. So there was NO use screaming, shouting, raising the alarm, hitting the panic button (despite the constant panic attacks  ). I was merely undergoing the nightmarish harvest of my former incarnation. AND IN THE MOST Acute planetary phase!! Ketu + Mars in 7th house/ Aries directly aspecting/ OPPOSING the current Saturn Retrograde conjunct Rahu IN my Ascendant/ Body/ self, 1st House/ Libra!! Any other planetary period, I would have thought about this horror. BUT during such an acute phase, it was obvious!! Maybe, NOT the exact incident, but the magnitude of torment/ trauma/ purgative cleansing was scheduled! Yes, EVEN such a horrific, sudden, unexpected, disruptive EVENT was scheduled under this years ESPECIALLY acute and horrifying Annual Saturn retrograde, 2013!

I have already OVERtaxed my overstressed, and currently tangled nerves, strained dentures, faltering consciousness, way too much for you, gentle reader. So I shall sign off abruptly, before collapsing under the current prevailing condition. G’ nite!

Saturn Retro 2013, 63- Law of Interval

12^th May, Sunday evening, 84^th day of Annual Saturn Retrograde, 2013. As described in the earlier post, events happen in cyclic loops, spirals of becoming. Repeating patterns. When we work with Karma, Karmic reversion, we’ve to work with such roundabout serpentine loops. There are no straight cut roads. And it was ideal that, in the past week, however unpleasant, I could experience the roundabout, layered workings of Karmic processes. The drama, deviation that happened due to my last Saturday, 4^th of May, breaking of the usual Saturday abstinence from alcohol/ non veg, commenced exactly from the evening of Sunday, 5^th May. The pattern is such: week long effect/ residue of violation occurring on Saturday evening, commences gently from Sunday evening. It’s amazing that such weekly patterns DO EXIST. And, that’s the veracity of weekly fasts, weekly cycles. Interesting to note, that I found a copy of Mechanics Of God by Thomas Easley. Wherein, he talks about, amongst other things, about the Law of Seven. Comparing the evolution, transition of humans to the progression of Seven Notes of music, and the Secen colours of the Rainbow. IN SHORT, what I could make out, EVERY WEEK, is our, weekly progression, wherein, if we appropriate the energies of specific days, we can use the energy for progression, evolution. Fasting on specific dates are crucial to this weekly cycle. Such days, where we take a gap or INTERVAL from the usual flow of things. Easley, in his book describes the Law of Seven, also called the Interval Law..

1.     Law of Seven/ Interval Law: common to both material and immaterial realities.

2.     Uses the 7 notes, musical scale, VIBGYOR colours scale, 7 weekdays, to give it definition

3.     Indian: Sa- re- Ga- (Interval)- Ma- Pa- Dha- Ni- (interval)- Sa makes one series

4.     Hence, in the law of Seven,  TWO INTERVALS are mandatory for completion of the SEVEN series. Hence every week, we have Weekends (Two days holiday)

5.     Intervals are absolute/ mandatory, necessary life force, which gives the Seven sequence it’s meaning.

6.     There is an element of choice/ possibility in this Interval!! An awareness of possibilities, which helps us recognize its potential and possibility!

7.     The Interval is profound, awesome. Creation, evolution could not have happened without it.

8.     Realization of choice, and the sense to choose wisely, these INTERVALS are two blessings bestowed upon human nature.

9.     The Intervals in a Seven series, represent a deviation, gap, necessary, diversion from the usual, vibrational interval. HOW we use these two Intervals, is Upto us!

10. From the WEEKLY, astrological, religious viewpoint, Two Intervals, i.e, Two days of Fast/abstinence in a week can help us maintain, enjoy, our usual routine. But mostly, it’s also the necessary, mandatory gap, enabling us to make the weekly JUMP/ growth!

11. Since only two weeks, I have begun the weekly fasts on Thursday and Saturday. And this book finds itself into my hand. Thomas Elseys thoughts are of the Gurdjeff/ Ouspensky school of thought. But very congruous to our astrological, evolutionary, Karmic viewpoint!

Also, it's this Law of Interval/ Gap which helped me find the Value/ validity of the weekly fast..

Saturn Retro 2013, 62- An exquisite nightmare

12th May, Sunday, 84th day of Annual Saturn Retrograde, 2013. As discussed in earlier posts, the effects of Falling Retro which should have begun from 2nd May itself, has been extended, magnified, amplified until the current date, due to the complicated 7 planet opposition in Libra and Aries. Libra is where the current Saturn Retrograde is going on. I want to talk about the week that was, 5th May, Sunday till today.

On Saturday, 4th May, oblivious of the complicated planetary transit ahead, urged by friends, I violated my usual Saturday abstinence from alcohol or non vegetarian food. This gross indiscretion had perfect timing. For I got rammed by the full force of the prevailing Sun- Saturn opposition, directly IN my ascendant sign, ruling my body. The whole week was a long serpentine, trail of food poisoning, gas, acidity, breathlessness, etc. An old horrifying stomach ailment I had suffered from childhood, and had considerably crossed over, had resurrected in FULL BLOOM!! And yet, in such an acute situation , i couldn't  rest and recover at home at all!! Every night I was out, late nights, guests, movements, acutely, horrifyingly magnified my week into a nightmarish crescendo!! The Pink Floyd song from their album "Momentary Lapse of Reason", the Song lyrics to "One Slip" goes.. "... One slip, and down the Hall, you go.."! How true! IF I had NOT violated my usual, decade long Saturday abstinence, the week wouldn't have been SO BAD, or SO HORRIFYING! Bereft of the usual protection of my Saturnine blessings, the Saturnine protective shield, I got RAMMED full force, by the 7 planet opposition directly IN my Ascendant Sign of Libra!! The old health nightmare of yesteryears was resurrected in full bloom. 
Moreover, the personage who urged me to break my fast was also horrifyingly affected by it. With equivalent professional mishaps in the the course of the passed week. 
Most of the week, I trudged, along, in severe acidity, gas, breathlessness, like a pure Zombie!! Most of the time, silent, drowning in ole nightmares of yore. As if, fate had designed me to experience the Full redemptive/ purgative impact of this complicated planetary transit. MINUS, the usual protective DISCOUNT of my Saturnine shield. MOREOVER, Aries, the opposite counterpart, of Libra, governing my partner, wife was also acutely affected.
 I distinctly recall, that the effects of Saturday evening violation of 4th may, began gently began to creep up from Sunday evening, 5th May. Gently, slowly, a elaborately designed disastrous epic unfolded. A week long exquisite nightmare. Of infinite detail and horror! Gently unfolding, scene by scene. Layer by layer. Event by event. Each event in itself, nothing much. But the overall buildup/ crescendo...  such horrific, and acute proportions, that literally left you breathless. My Asthalin spray, normally lying unused for months and years, almost got finished in the past week!! Yesterday and today, i have been watching Japanese films in a festival organized by friends at IIT , gwhy. And this made me , more aware, of the elaborate detail of nightmarish horror, of the past week. The screenplay details. The craft of horror. Especially, when you yourself are playing out the role! According to my predictions, the horrific effects should gently ease out from today, being Sunday evening. Another interesting synchronicity is that Saturday evening violation, has coincided with the APEX/ peak of the complicated, entangled, horrific, planetary transit currently going on in Libra and Aries. The week that was, was something else altogether. 
Amongst other events, I had begun to watch Project X, an unbelievably wild movie from the makers of the Hangover series, on Wednesday. But, I could only finish the movie today, Sunday evening!! Such, cue in, cue out points are the best clues to prevailing planetary transits, in our lives. Symmetric, analogous, geometric patterns, help us understand astrological phenomenon, natural cycles. It's this very observation of stars, cycles in all fields that have led to the evolution of mankind,be it in sciences, agriculture, arts, astrology. 
Today, so deeply immersed in the gloom of a Sunday evening. Only the sound of my fingers crawling, hammering over the keyboard. And the glow of my face in the light of this monitor, in this gloomy Sunday dusk. The random mosquito hovering near my ears. Their humming drone. The stillness, gravitas, palpable gloom of this still, void, Sunday evening. I lift my T shirt, and rub my belly, still a bit swollen from all that gas and acidity. the calcification of the past week has been unimaginable. Like stalagmites, in an deep old cave.  I couldn't even update much, this entire elaborate nightmarish week. But now, that I sit back, and retrospect, on hindsight, I see WHAT I have crossed. I was poring over and old, tattered journal from 2007. I had violated my saturday abstinence, on a normal day. and by Sunday evening, the phone call came. Of a dark and unbearable content. Of undigestible matter. And this past week, was literally undigestible. Everything I ate, I couldn't digest!! Stuck between the living and the dead. Gasping for breath. But yo, this nightmare was COMPLETELY my own making! Otherwise, however bad the prevailing planetary transit, i DO get my Saturnine discount. And somehow, slip and slide by. Like an escaped eel. But this week, cos of my indiscretion, I got stuck. In a exquisitely woven nightmarish net. Of pure thorns. So much for an evening of partying. That too, for a creature, who's almost partying every other night! I hope my next post is of relief, and NOt indescribable horror....